help i am not sure what to do?
my husband and i have been married since may and as much as i love him he really broke my heart. we had talked about having a another join us one time. but we were far from that and both said that we would look together. then he started with the web cam, he was so excided but i couldnt really get into it. then one night after he hooked up our web cam he started playing with some chic online. it was as if they were in the same room. she ooking at him and he was doing the same. i got upset and he shut off the cam. we also both agreed that adult mags were ok as long as they werent people loking for someone to join. it was alright for awhile, then we went to a store and he wanted to go and look at the adult stuff. i agreed because i enjoy looking also. well we bought some stuff but realized we didnt have enough money. so we drove home and we drove back. he ran in since all we had to do was pay. and he comes out with this swingers mag and try to put it off as he didnt know what is was, mind you his story changed several times. he said that he would throw it away but i just found it in the bathroom beside the shelve. he is at work but i called him and he said that he was just looking at thepics,yeah right. we have been fighting alot latly and i think that we are feeling, atleast his and some of mine, growing apart. please help what do i do, i love him so much and i dont want our marriage to end.
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You need to let him know how you are feeling. Also, if you can’t emotionally handle the idea of him playing around with someone else on a web camera, you won’t be able to handle a threesome or swinging. Sometimes what you think you might be able to handle becomes different once your emotions get in the mix and that is okay. You don’t have to share your husband with someone else. But you need to let him know that. Maybe some time in the future you could be cool with it. Right now you are not comfortable and the more he hints and/or pushes toward those things, the more uncomfortable and hurt you become. He is in control of what his does but he needs to know how his behavior is affecting you. Part of being married is being able to communicate. Sometimes this is a skill that takes time to develop. It is important that when you talk to him about it that you let him know without making him feel like he is being attacked or that he has done something and he needs to defend it. Use the word "I" a lot more than the word "you" and it will seem much more about you talking to him than attacking him. You could tell him that you have a problem. You didn’t think you would feel this way but when he does such and such it makes you feel this way. Let him know that you feel this way because you care and that he can help you feel better by changing the behavior and dropping the idea of bringing anyone else into your sexual life, at least for right now. Let him know that you need to know now that if you are never comfortable with sharing him, that is okay and that he will still be satisfied in the marriage and that you don’t need to fear him straying or pushing this issue again. If he thinks he needs that kind of sexual life to be happy and you can’t emotionally handle it then you are at an impass and maybe it is better to know that now.
It seems as though he really wants to swing or try a threesome and you dont. Dont pretend that you may want to, tell him straight that it makes you uncomfortable and you dont like it. Otherwise he will continue to try pressure you into it. Also you need to tell him that when he is with someone on the internet you consider it cheating and you dont want him to do it. If you dont tell him that you really dont like it he will continue to do it.
I think that is the worst you can do, bring a 3d person in to your marriage life.
You need to talk to him and let him know how you feel about bringing in someone else. It is real disrespectful how he is acting. Maybe you guys should do some role playing, so you don’t actually bring in other people, but pretend to be different types of people.
for you to do all this extra activity in your sex life you have to be comfortable with youe self and each other i dont think thats the case
i honestly think yall should get conseling while its early
You both are heading down a dangerous road…Only been married for 4 months and he is already looking to f*ck another chic….I would suggest that you get into marriage counseling and quick! It is doubtful your marriage will survive if you don’t…..
I honestly don’t think this is something worth ending your marriage over. You need to let him know that right now is NOT the best time to discuss or experiment with any of this swinging stuff. You were just married a few months ago, so life is going to be very tough for the next couple of years as you just adjust to married live…which is much different from dating life.
The best thing you two can do is stop thinking about any of this stuff, but still use it in fantasy. Let him know that up front–you just want to discuss it in a fantasy sense and nothing more. For sure throw out the swingers magazine you found…but let him do that with you. Don’t just do it while he’s at work. Let him know that you need more reassurance from him that he loves you and only you for right now, and that you’ll discuss this including another in the relationship later. It’s a very delicate balance that you guys need to find and it sounds like he’s just a little too excited right now (what guy wouldn’t be?) and that’s why he’s so gung-ho about it. You’re not…that’s why he needs to slow down a bit and let you catch up. You were into it once, so chances are you will be again, but this is just not the best time to think about it. Good luck to both of you!
Don’t be supportive or agree to things that you feel are inappropriate for you. Sit down and explain to him that although it was fun to look you no longer feel that it creates the kind of fun you were hoping for and you would like to refrain from this behavior as a couple. Explain that as a couple you would like this to be a mutual agreement and that there is nothing to be gained from any of these things – Find out why he wants to look and see what he gets from it and then meet that need without adding problems to your marriage. He didn’t break your heart honey….you allowed this kind of behavior in to your sacred bed and then you say he broke your heart. I don’t understand …didn’t the marriage vows state…forsaking all others???? Why do people think that they can play with fire and not get burned? I am not trying to be hard on you but we all have some degree of responsiblity for the choices that we make….by participating in this kind of behavior he was led to believe that you were ok with this….now that you are being your true self …you have realized it adds no value to your life you have changed your mind….there is nothing wrong with that but realize that once you have allowed it he doesn’t understand why he can’t have it now. Imagine for a moment giving a 16 year old a brand new corvette…he gets to ride it, take it cruising, and he takes his friends out in it as well as you ….then one day you decide that you don’t like the corvette and take it away from him….this is what he is experiencing…. he doesn’t want to give it up. Once they have had the thrill…giving it up is a bit more difficult once they experienced it. Communicate with each other and try to resolve this.
Sorry about your plight, but difficult for me to understand your offense to his interest in another woman when you both agreed to have a threesome. I don’t understand why just the two of you just isn’t enough for you both – especially given that you’ve only been married 4 months. He’s obviously very interested in a threesome and will continue to pursue one apparently with or without you. You’ve made your bed and put a welcome matt in front of it – better lay in it (be more proactive about finding the third person) or strip the sheets (and straight out tell your husband you no longer are interested in a third person and just want things between you and him – to please stop pursuing another woman at this juncture. I hope that helps.
i think this should be a relationship problem not for a married couple, do you think it was too soon to get married? because alll these came to me they seem very immature for you to allow, fix it, break that habbit, make it work girl, this is just a fetish and thats it, does he love you? if he does, he will change.
First, what you have is not a typical marriage…it does not follow the traditional or spiritual rule of marriage to share your sex life with other people or even contemplate it. You feel that way and want that type of marriage, typical/spiritual and he does not. You choose to love the wrong person, my dear. You may not want to end the marriage you have; however, it is doomed if you two do not see eye-2-eye on this and other important matters. Next, if you do not go along with him, he will cheat for the thrill he seeks and you will be devastated. You care about him, and have entertained his ’strange’ desires thus far. Well, it ain’t over, just wait till he talks you into doing things you really don’t want to do—-IN THE NAME OF LOVE OR KEEPING THE SO CALLED MARRIAGE. GIRL, YOU BETTER START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR OWN MORALS MORE. THERE ARE PLENTY OF GOOD MEN OUT HERE TO LOVE WHO THINK AS YOU DO AND TO BE HAPPY…you better entertain getting free and finding one of them. You are playing with fire…..you will get burnt.
Don’t do it if you don’t want to. That’s a tricky line you cross. It usually works for people that are comfortable with and have a strong relationship. You guys are newly weds. That kinda takes the romance out of the whole thing. I would try to steer clear of the third party thing, and come up with your own way to keep the love interesting.
It’s hard to go back after you have crossed that line. Communicate with hubby.
The first year of marriage is the toughest but trust me do not invite another person into the bedroom at least this early in the marriage it will cause way to much problems and make things more complicating he is acting like a horn dog and needs to understand you are just not ready for something like that and ask him to respect that, if that don’t help seek marriage counseling.
He needs to stop being a selfish moron and have more respect for you and his marriage. Sex is important but should never be priority and should never hurt people, especially not your spouse
Obviously you guys are carrying your marriage on separate "road". Compromise, that’s how adults do their games when relationships starts to crack.
Tell him which of his qualities that you hate and which ones of those that you can tolerate (with or without limitations or prerequisitions). Tell your husband to do the same thing to you. If you can find the so called "middle road", then your marriage will be fine.
Just remember to do this one on one, not through phone, e-mails, or whatsoever. Also remember to do this as if you are the great merchant of Venice, don’t tolerate too much on your first bargain but tolerate with baby steps until you reach that "middle road".