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Parents and Psychologists: Is this sort of grounding okay?

By closet shelving on Saturday, May 8th, 2010 | 13 Comments

My 11 year old daughter has been lying for over a year, doing things like:

letting her homework pile up for three months (she's done this three times, but the second time she was caught after a month, and the third time she was caught after two weeks)

sneaking little things like gum and snacks from others' rooms and my purse, and then not fessing up that it was her - even when she's chewing the very food/gum in her mouth at the time of being accused

buying lunch at school on credit instead of making her lunch like she was supposed to (she was "busy" that morning, so she couldn't do it...she only did this once, btw)

Sneaking time on the internet and/or tv when she's not supposed to (I've password protected the computers, but there's nothing I can do about the tv and it's too big to move)

destroying/vandalizing others' property - instead of informing me so I can make the effort to try to talk to those who she feels have insulted her or us as a family (she's scratched designs into a dining room table, taken a patch of paint off someone else's wall, thrown mud on someone's garage, and wrote bad words in chalk in front of another neighbor's house)

repeatedly not wearing her glasses while reading at home - especially while in her room at dusk (she's supposed to wear them all the time, but she doesn't even wear them when she reads)

I've totally had it! I've talked, cried, yelled, lectured, given time outs (11 minutes in her room, away from me) given the silent treatment, and taken away privileges. No change in behavior. Nothing. I'm at a total loss....but I have ordered a few new parenting books, which should be here in a few days.

Anyway, this is the grounding I want to dole out:

Confined for two weeks with no tv, computer, toys, radio or books (why help her weaken her eyesight further since she's not willing to wear her glasses unattended). Oh yeah, and no new Harry Potter movie until it's out on DVD.

No leaving her room unless she needs to go to the bathroom, get drinks of water, take a shower, and do chores (emptying the trash every two or three days, re-shelving clean dishes, doing her laundry). Her three balanced meals and two healthy snacks a day will be eaten in her room.

Is the type of grounding I have in mind child abuse? Of course, I don't want to do it if it is.

Thanks!
Thanks for the responses so far! I'm gaining a lot of insight from the longer ones with feedback!

An addendum to the homework situation:

Regular communication was used between her teacher and I via a homework journal (and even email); her teacher would sign off on her homework the day it was assigned, and I signed off on it the evening I saw that they were completed.

What ended up happening was that my daughter would get the daily homework signed, and then scratch them offer her list (so I couldn't read what she was supposed to do) and then she'd write "done at school" near her teacher's signature before meeting me after school - just yards away from her classroom's door. Nice, eh?

Again, thanks for all the feedback. I'm learning loads. Keep it coming!!!

2 of the worst roomates ever are moving out….. PLEASE HELP?

By closet shelving on Thursday, May 6th, 2010 | 1 Comment

I left this checklist for them..... the girl put 4 rolls of paint up my wall it looks like CRAP. She has half of the kitchen dishes in her room..... The guy eats everyones food without asking and sheds worse than my dog..... They both think 300 EVERYTHING included is a rip off so i told them find a nev place BYE LOL they both said they'd be out by the first but left my apt. trashed knowing I have to show it.....

I have a new roommate who is moving in December 1, 2009.

Since you are not paying rent for the month of December the Apartment must be vacant by 3PM on December 1, 2009.
To assure your full deposit, the apartment must be in the same condition as the day you moved in. I spent Sunday cleaning the whole apartment so this should take you both no more than 15 minutes.

•Kitchen, bathroom and pantry must be clean
-This includes no dishes in the sink.
-Any refrigerator/cupboard shelves or drawer you used needs to be emptied and wiped out.
-The stove needs to be clean.
-Hair and toiletries are to be cleaned out of the shelving the microwave sits upon.
-All of the hair and facial hair from razors needs to be cleaned off of the sink.
-When you move your bottles and soap wipe the bath cubbies out this is a brand new shower wall.
-The table is to be wiped down.
-
•Bedrooms must be completely empty other than Direct TV boxes, the remotes, and instructions.
-EVERY SINGLE OUNCE of trash you produce at move out needs to be bagged and taken out of the apartment, there are blue bins out back for your trash, so place it there. DO NOT LEAVE TRASH IN THE BACK HALLWAY.
-Bedroom #2 must be painted for full security deposit.
-When you moved in your rooms were completely empty minus the curtains and hardware, I’d like it to be empty.
•KEYS MUST BE PLACED ON THE KITCHEN TABLE UPON MOVE OUT. NO KEYS NO SECURITY DEPOSIT.

Kelly: You told me you owed Dana money if you would like your security deposit to be given to Dana you must:
Leave me a Signed and dated letter giving me permission to give your security deposit to Dana.

Dana and Kelly: You must leave me legible forwarding addresses for your security deposits place these with your keys.

In all I need 2 cable boxes, 2 remotes, 2 sets of instructions, 4 keys, 2 addresses and a clean apartment.

If you lived anywhere else it would be mandatory you cleaned the whole apartment to obtain full deposit. I did 90% of the work for you.
I think we can all be respectable adults for the next day and a half.

Can anyone make this look a little more "proper" I am so upset I cant even think they trashed my apartment while i was on vacation so bad it took me 2 days to clean.....

Cupboard/pantry moths, any better ideas on how to get rid of them?

By closet shelving on Wednesday, May 5th, 2010 | 4 Comments

I had these for about 6 mos before I figured out they were coming mainly from the cupboard where we store our dog food, but after fumigating the entire house, then cleaning with Clorox(Checked my cupboards close, the peg holes to adjust the shelving...mine are sealed with nest?) and throwing away all opened packages, and have storing everything in sealed containers, they are back after 2 weeks. Not to the extreme they were before, but slowly coming back, and not just in the kitchen, they are in my upstairs bathroom, the living room... I have cathedral ceilings, and wonder if the fumigator wasn't concentrated enough due to this fact, so I am going to give it another go, double dose, and hope it works for good this time. All steps, again! SO tiresome. Once it is all cleared up maybe I will feel like I can eat cereal again. Yucky, little buggers! Gross me right out.
Does anyone else have any ideas on how to kill them out for good?
Dog food is cuurently in a sealed container, and will continue to be stored this way.

How can I create decor space in my home?

By closet shelving on Tuesday, May 4th, 2010 | 3 Comments

I have a space on my kitchen counter next to the stove with no electrical sockets. i have a makeshift entertainment center that i have all my games,movies,tv ext...all on this dinning room table.i have an empty space where a phone table should go,and nothing there,but it is high traffic.my bathroom only has a sink,no counter, and my bedroom has only a dresser with all of my makeup on top. this is just a renter, but im looking to decorate for the holidays and i have no space anywhere! well i have the space just not the shelving,tables, ext... what cheap creative ways can i put the christmas spirit in my home?

makeup storage and organization tips?

By closet shelving on Monday, May 3rd, 2010 | 1 Comment

Hi! I am looking for a new way to store my makeup, curling/straightening irons, nail polish, and nail care stuff. I have so much and it is hard to find a way to organize it in a way that is convenient but cute. I just cleaned it all out so please don't recommend getting rid of everything. I currently am keeping my makeup in a rolling cart of 4 shallow drawers and 1 deeper drawer. It isn't enough! I have all of my hair stuff in a bathroom drawer and my nail stuff in a decorative box. Everything is just thrown in the drawers and boxes and i find myself having to spend a lot of time trying to find a certain product or item. Please help me! What are some good ideas to store everything in a smaller area? Should i get a vanity? Shelving? More drawers?......etc! Any tips are welcome! Thanks!

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